I Don't Know What To Say
by waterbendergirl
Summary: Levi x Eren- Eren and Levi have a hard time staying together and they always seem to have a broken heart.
1. Chapter 1

""Oi, What the hell were you thinking" yelled Levi across the room. Eren lifted his head up with a sad expression on his face. They were in a small empty room with a door that went outside. Levi came closer to Eren, his hand made into a fist. "Look, I'm sorry I just didn't think there was any better way" Replied Eren. Levi still walking towards him stiffly. "Do you really think running away was the best?" Eren put his head back down, Eren was barely standing up. Eren whole body was shaking. " You said if I turned into a titan again you will personally kill me, so yeah I did think running was a good idea" Eren forced himself to look at Levi in the eyes. Levi now close to Eren stopped walking and just stared him in the eyes. There was a long pause, Levi had a grim expression on his face. Finally Levi responded "I really liked being with you Eren but, you know I have to follow the orders. But I can try to persuade Erwin to remove the orders to kill you. Eren, while you were a titan you did attack some people. It will be even more hard because of that."

That did it, Eren fell to the ground. He cried. He hated looking weak in front of Levi, yet he couldn't stop. Knowing that he hurt some people mad him feel horrible. The worst part was that he couldn't even remember anything. Levi went to his knees and held Eren. Eren started to talk but was cut off by Levi "I will do everything I can to make sure you are safe." Eren wrapped his arms around Levi, he never thought he would be crying in front of Levi. He also never thought he would be in love with Levi. Levi pulled away from their hug and stared at Eren, he put a hand on Eren's cheek. Then Levi came closer and kissed Eren on the oppisite cheek, this made Eren stop crying. Eren had hope that Levi would protect him. Levi removed his hand off Eren's cheek, then he stood up and held out a hand."Come on, it's late. We should get to bed now." Eren accepted the hand and helped him up. They both stood up. Eren hugged Levi again.

"Everyone still doesn't know you tried running away, lets keep it that way" said Levi. Eren nodded, and they then both headed for there rooms. He would definitely get executed if they heard he tried running away. Levi lead him back to his room, once they arrived Levi opened the door for Eren. Eren sat on top of his bed taking off one shoe at a time, then he removed his jacket. Levi turned around heading back to his room "Wait" yelled Eren from behind. Levi turned back around staring at Eren. " Who did I hurt as a titan?" Levi had a deep sigh "You really don't remember anything while your a titan do you." He pulled up a chair from the other side of the room. "Armin, Mikasa, Jean, and I were all outside. We were trying to help you control your titan. You can guess what happened next." Eren looked down at his lap "So did I hurt anyone?" Levi sighed again "Eren, don't worry about it. We are all fine now." Eren looked up at Levi again. "When do they plan on killing me?" Levi got out of the chair and sat on his bed "They said tomorrow, but don't worry get your sleep now. I promise they won't hurt you." Levi got back up and left closing the door behind. Deep down he knew there is a really small chance of Eren living. He is deadly and cannot control himself always. But Levi loved Eren, he will do anything to keep Eren alive. Anything.


	2. Chapter 2

"It was the next morning. I sat up in my bed, I barley slept because of last night's advents. I shook my head as I got out of bed. I started putting my uniform on, thinking of different solutions for Eren. Eren needs me, I need him. Maybe I can speak to Erwin, if I can persuade him to give Eren another chance. If not I guess I can use force. I don't want to, but I might have to. If that also doesn't work we could run, but where? This is unlike me, panicking over a solution. I finished putting my uniform on. I walked over to the door and pulled it open. It was still very early in the morning everyone must still be asleep. As I walked I looked around for any trace of anyone else. I walked by a window looking outside at the stables.

~I remembered the moment where I was grooming the horses. While I groomed them I noticed a figure approach me. It was Eren. He looked embarrassed or as if he was about to do something embarrassing. Eren stared straight at me. I noticed him slightly blushing. "So, captain I wanted to tell you something. And I would really like to do it in private" Said Eren. I looked at him and sighed "Okay, but make this quick." I replied as I followed him to the side of the stable. He stared me in the eyes, he was standing close. There was a long silence between us. I broke it though "What do you want Jaeger?" I gave him an impatient look just to scare him a little. It was fun to tease Eren. "I-I just wanted to say… I think you and I should go out and be together. Because I really… like you" When Eren finished talking I was confused. I personally had felt a little connection with him. Eren started to speak again "you know like a date, if you're fine with it." I was still a little shocked but refused to let it show. "Sure why not"~

I didn't realize it but I was lost in the memory, I almost passed my destination. I was heading towards Erwin's room. I knocked on the door lightly "Erwin are you awake, it's about Eren" I said. "Come in" Erwin responded. I opened the door; I was surprised when I saw Erwin still dressed in his uniform. "Did you get any sleep" I asked looking at Erwin's clothes. "No, I was filling out paper work. Please sit" Erwin responded sounding tired. I pulled out a chair and crossed my legs. "We need to talk about Eren."


	3. Chapter 3

Levi's Point of View

I was waiting for Erwin to respond. Eren's life is on the line and Erwin is taking his time. I couldn't wait anymore "Erwin are you aware that Eren is going to be executed today?" Erwin laughed "Of course I am, I gave the orders. But you already knew that, so why are you asking?" I paused "Are you aware that Eren might be the key to getting rid of titans for good?" Erwin then smirked "Well there is a small chance of that, while there is a even bigger chance of Eren killing us." I gave a obvious glare "I though you said that you would do anything to stop the titans?" Erwin responded with no change in his tone. "Well that will be hard if I and others get eaten by Eren." I was slowly getting more and more angry. "What about Eren's basement. Don't we need Eren to find his house for us, and not to mention he also has the key." Erwin grinned "We already know what his house looks like. We already asked Armin, Mikasa, and Eren. As for the key we can just take it off Eren's dead body." I immediately stood up with both hands on the table. I wanted to scream at Erwin. I never lose control like this. I controlled my voice as I spoke "Eren just needs more practice as a titan." Erwin also stood up while responding to me "Put away your personal feelings for him. It cost you that back injury." How did he know about that. Maybe he was right. Maybe I did just fight Eren back while he was a titan Eren wouldn't have hurt my back. Eren didn't even realize that he hurt everyone. He didn't even remember hurting me.

But how did Erwin know that? "Erwin, how did you know about Eren hurting my back?" Erwin sat back down in his chair "Jean told me, he said that you were hit in the back and were pushed meters back." I should have known Jean would tell Erwin. I sat down on the chair again. Erwin spoke again "You didn't fight back when Eren could have killed you. Imagine even if I did keep Jaeger and he did try to kill you or Armin or even Mikasa. Non of you would fight back." I couldn't argue with that theory. "If you kill Eren I will kill you. or anyone that tries to kill him" I didn't realize what I said until after it came out of my mouth. I still meant every word though. Erwin stood back up, "That is why you will be the one to kill him." I stood there shocked at Erwin's words. I didn't even try to cover up my expression. I replied, my words shaking "Why would I kill Eren?" Erwin didn't hesitate to answer "For you, me, and humanity. Think about it Levi. Eren is a bigger threat than a bigger help. You know I only do what is best for human race." I was starting to second guess myself. I love Eren, I would do anything for him. But is it really worth every humans life at risk. Eren could completely lose himself and end up killing me. If I don't kill him Erwin would still kill him. Another factor is if I don't do this order they would kill me.

What should I do? I could try to run away with him, but where? Even if I found a safe place, we would be hiding for the rest of are lives. If they would us we would both be dead. There really is only one logical thing to do. "Erwin...I'll kill Eren. But I will do it my way." Erwin had a huge smile spread upon his face. "Okay, have him dead in three days at the most." We both stood up and shook hands. I left the room with nothing else to say. I started to walk to my room, but I found myself heading for the stables. Once I got to the stables I found my horse and took it out for a ride.


	4. Chapter 4

Levi's Point of View

I kept on riding. The cool breeze blowing against my face. I don't know where I am going, but I just keep on going. I pass tree after tree underneath the dark sky. The cool breeze gets more intense making me slightly shiver. My mind rushing with thoughts only of Eren. Why did I accept to kill Eren? I know why I accepted it I just don't want to. It slowly gets colder and colder. I didn't realize it until now but I have been riding for a couple of hours hours. My head still racing with apologies, and I still don't know if I can do this. I told Erwin I would do this, if I don't fulfill that promise then I could also die. Would Erwin kill me? Well if he is killing Eren than I guess the same is for me. I guess Erwin would kill anyone he could for the benefit of humanity. Is it really just about humanity though? Is there something else? Maybe I'll just run away with Eren; but I already thought that through and deiced I wouldn't know where to go. My mind is a mess. I look down at the horse, It's probably exhausted. I should turn around now. Maybe I should just get this over with and kill Eren as soon as I can. No, I can't think things like that. I still love him. I love Eren. When I have to kill him I want him to die in a beatiful place. I want everything to be calm. I honestly don't know what his reaction will be. Will he hate me? Will he feel betrayed? Will he trust that I am doing this for good? Or will he just be confused and die slow unanswered death? I really hope not. I really hope that he can trust me. I finally turn around, not because I made up my mind. I'm still very upset with everything. I do know one thing though, I really fucking hate Erwin right now.

I arrive back at the stables. I tie the black horse up giving it lots of water. I lightly pet the horse's mane. Being at the stables surely enough gives me that memory again. The memory of Eren. I try to force I to the back of my mind, but the memory finds a way to replay it in my head. Lost in day dream I didn't notice someone yelling my name. I heard it the second time they called out. I turned around, knowing that voice. Eren is the only one who can really calm me down with just his voice. "LEVI where have. I was getting worried" he yells as he slowly get closer. he walks turns into a run. Just looking at him makes me feel guilty while it conflicts with a feeling of happiness caused by just seeing him. Eren arms expand and wraps them around me. The force of the run takes me a step back. I wrap my arms around his waist completing the hug. "I was just out for a quick ride. Needed to clear my mind" I say as he puts his arms back at his sides. I really didn't want to end the hug just yet, but I also put my arms by me sides. Eren has a huge smile across his face, what a shitty brat I think as I try to return the smile. I rarely smile so it probably came out as a bit snide. "I'm glad your back now. Truthfully, I have been sitting here the whole time." Wouldn't surprise me his hair looked at if a bird lived in it. But, I keep that to myself because at the same time it makes him look...well cute. "Eren, I went to talk to Erwin last night and..." I pause right there. Shit. What do I say. Do I say that it went wrong or do I lie saying everything is okay. He give my a concerned look, it makes my stomach knot up. "Erwin told me that... you will not go unpunished. He didn't tell me what the punishment was." That was half true. Once I looked at Eren's face I regretting giving him half of the truth. I saw a both eyes fill up with tears. His face seemed grim. Slowly tears came from both eyes. I reached both hands up onto his cheeks. I felt his tears underneath my palms. His voice was shacking "I'm not a idiot." Well that was unexpected. He put his hands on mine. He continued to speak. "I-I know Erwin w-won't let me live. Last night w-was just wishful thinking. He just t-told you that so you would have h-hope." I could feel my shocked expression on my face. His hands were shaking on mine. His knees must also have been shacking because next thong I know he is pulling my down to the ground with him. I slowly put my hands behind his neck. Pulling his neck closer so I could plant a kiss on his lips. He returns the kiss whilst putting his hands on my face. It's a nice warm feeling. He stops crying for a bit. We break the kiss and just hold each other in our arms. "Eren" I say in a hushed voice "will you go to the wall with me." Time for the deal with Erwin to begin.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Levi's P.O.V

Eren's ominous tone turned confused, "Go...to the wall?" Eren pulls out of the hug to show me confusion plastered upon his face. I give him a weak smile "Yeah, the wall. Just you and me." Eren paused a second, "Why?" He asked simply. "It's just like you said; If Erwin is going to bring you punishment, I say we enjoy ourselves before we fight back." His faced turned into a small scowl,"Levi, I don't want you to get involved. If you got hurt, I couldn't live with myself. I couldn't even stop myself from hurting my friends as a titan. Why would I risk your safety? If it is a choice between fighting Erwin and dieing I would still do it by myself." I straightened my back, not breaking eye contact "Eren, I will fight with you. You can't convince me otherwise. So are you going to go to the wall with me now?" Eren's eyes widened as I got up a reached out a hand. "Yes" and soon after that we were on our way to the wall. This time we took another horse, letting the other rest. Eren, behind me, wrapped his arms around me. He rested his head on my shoulder. As we rode Eren whispered in my ear something unexpected "Do you promise to never leave me, Levi?" Without hesitation I replied yes. His grip around my waist tightened. After I responded I realized I lied. For a moment, where is was just me and him riding, I forgot about everything, even the promise. I forgot that I had to kill Eren. Why did I agree to that? I know why. Can we just run away? No, they will find us. I rested my head over Eren's and continued to ride to my biggest regret.

Eren's P.O.V.

My head felt sore from resting on Levi's shoulder and the going up and down on a horse. I didn't move though, I wanted to be as close to Levi as I could. I don't want to leave him, ever. But it seems I might have to. It's all Erwin's fault. Or...is it...mine? I did hurt everyone. It is my fault. Can I even blame Erwin. If i was in his position what would I have done? Would I eliminate one person for the sake of my team, even if they had a special power? I don't know. The more I think about it the more confused I get. The one thing I do know for sure is that I will never betray Levi, and he will never betray me. I can trust him with my life. He will never leave me, and I won't leave him. No matter what happens I will always be with him, always. I do question if I will always be with Armin and Mikasa. I want to always be with them, but I don't know if they would take my side or Erwin's. I hope they don't pick my side, because if they do that puts them in danger. I don't even know if I'm on my side.~

Hours passed riding to the wall, I slowly started to fall asleep. Before I could close my eyes to rest the gigantic wall appeared. As we got closer and closer the shadow of the wall consumed us. Everytime I see the walls I'm amazed at how they seem to tower over everything; well except for the colossal titan that is. The horse's gallop transitioned to a slow pace, then to a hault. Levi turned to face me "we're here." I nodded with a faint smile. I slided off the horse, Levi did the same. There was no one else, in fact it looked like no one has ever been here. The only thing that seemed out of place was the wall. Levi started to walk to the platform. The platform was built to lift soldiers to the top of the wall to look for titans. Soldiers will hardly ever go out here to check this side of the wall. I followed Levi to the platform. Once we were both on the platform I closed the gate and pulled the lever down. A displeasing sound rose from the gears. The gears were all rusted and squicked together. They were no words exchanged between me and Levi. For some reason he looked sad, as if someone told him someone died. Am I the reason? I put my hand on his shoulder to signal my hug. Before I could hug him he put a hand on my chest "Eren, don't." I stepped back and removed my hand from his shoulder. I wasn't expecting for him to turn down a hug. I am the problem? What did I do? Maybe it was because Erw- stopping my thought the platform stopped rising. The loud sound of the gears stopped. I was blinded by the brightness of the sunset. As soon as I opened my eyes again I noticed Levi left me behind and he was already sitting down. "Hey Levi wait up!" He didn't respond his just pulled out his index finger and beckoned me forward. I sat down next to him, I hope I'm not the reason for his sad face. "Levi, are you okay?" I asked. "Yeah, it's just that there is something I have to do."

"What do you have to do?"

"Something horrible."

"How bad?"

"The worst."

"Levi, you could never do something horrible."

"Eren, you would be surprised." He looked down at his hands. Without warning he pulled me into a tight hug. I fasten my arms around his neck. He looked me straight into the eyes, his eyes seemed sorrowful, then he kissed me. I kissed back, It was the only thing I could think to do. All the confusion I had disappeared into the happiness that came from kissing Levi. Minutes went by as we kissed, then Levi ended the kiss with three words "I love you." "I love you too." Levi's eyes wandered to the bright colors of the sun set, mine not leaving his. "The sky does look beautiful." Levi said. I didn't bother to look at the sky, I just wanted to continue to look at Levi's eyes. Maybe if I concentrated hard enough I could somehow get into his mind and find the problem. Levi never acts like this, I wonder what he is hiding. Levi reached for something under his cloak, before I could make out what the object was I was distracted by the painful look on his face. "Levi what's wrong, you look a little sa-" The world stopped. Suddenly I felt a surge of pain wave on my stomach. I continued to look in Levi's eyes, something about them looked guilty… no dead. I tried to ask what was going on but then I saw a glimpse of a dark red, blood, my blood. I noticed my blood pooling out of me, the cause was a small dagger. I collapsed, falling on my back. It then dawned on me that Levi stabbed me.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: I didn't expect people to actually read this, so I am extremely flattered that some people asked me to continue that story. I hope that it is interesting still, and if I get some facts wrong please don't be mad. I only planned on leaving the story with Eren's death, but let's see how this turns out.

Chapter 6:

Eren's P.O.V

"L-Levi?" I felt myself slowly draining from the world. Fear blurred my vision. Sadness, confusion, betrayal, and disbelief was my world. I couldn't think, I was paralyzed in a blizzard of emotions. The human next to me was unfamiliar, but it was Levi. I know him, I can trust him. I love him. He loves me. Or at least I thought he did. My emotions were quickly ended by pain. Dizzy and stinging. Levi hugged me and kept whispering something into my ear, I tried to listen but I couldn't hear a thing. I am dying. So this is what it is like. Blood continued to pool around me and Levi. I thought there would be more. Levi's tears lightly landed on my cheek. Do I hate him, do I still love him? I can't think of a answer. My eye lids started to drop. I'm not ready.

Levi.

What is he doing?

The person I used to know, why is he getting up.

He laid my head on the ground. He slowly arose and gave me a glance. That one glance said so much. Before I could decode the situation my eyes closed. Darkness. Confusion. Regret. Darkness. Fear. Darkness.

Darkness.

Levi's P.O.V.

Don't look back. Don't, just keep walking. Leave him. You know that he is going to die either way. He means nothing to me anymore. I looked over the edge as the ground came closer. Go back to Erwin, tell him you succeeded. I finally reached the ground. Random thoughts coming to my head. I looked at my horse and mounted it. I forced it to turn around and head back to the headquarters. My endless tears were my mental outlet. The more I cried the more I didn't let myself process what had happened. Trees passed quickly. Then my thoughts had hit me. I pulled on the horses reins suddenly and got off of the horse. I put both of my arms around a tree. I dropped to my knees feeling weak. I closed my eyes, my tears still falling at a consistent rate.

I killed Eren... I... I did.

Why? I am a monster!

I killed the thing I loved most. Eren, my Eren. Why? Am I that cruel?

It feels like I was possessed, that wasn't me back their, I couldn't have been me that did that. I felt the dark grip of regret grasp my heart. No my entire body. I questioned my life, should I live?

No I have to...but why?

Why should I live?

Do I even deserve to live?

I don't know...did I ever know...or did I just always lie to myself.

Help, this can't be real.

I am not me.

I am a monster.

Monster.

~Hours had passed and Levi was still there, underneath that tree. But the crying had stopped. Levi's face returned to normal, well the way he looked before Eren showed up, that apathetic look. He made his way back to Erwin's office not sure of what he was going to do. Levi contemplated, do what Erwin wants, kill Erwin, or never return. Abandoning the Scouting Legion would result in a search party. Also if he left the people would lose hope, as he is frequently reminded, he is humanity's greatest hope. That brings it down to two options, return to the "old ways" and forgive Erwin, or kill Erwin.~

I aggressively open the door but quickly remind myself to be logical and to abandon emotion. Erwin turns around to see me, his face appears solomon but I am sure he really has a smile under that."Levi, you returned." I pause, feeling, but that is not what I want, I want reason. "Yes, the job is done." I slightly look at the ground when I say done. "I'm sorry Levi, you did what was best for everyone. Think of all the lives you saved." Without thinking I stare him straight in the eye, ready to kill, "I murder Eren. I did not save lives, I took one." I walk out the room, but where am I going. I just seem to drift away. Faces appeared in front of me. Did Erwin tell them the plan? I pass Hanji, Jean, Sasha, Connie all muttering things I ignore, and lastly Mikasa and Armin. Armin looked how I felt, cadaverous. Mikasa sat there holding him, she also looked depressed. I stop in front of them, "I'm sorry" seems to be the only thing I can say. Mikasa looks up at me, "it is not your fault." Armin looks at her shocked, "Of course it is his fault. He murdered Eren." Mikasa says nothing, it appears she wants to see the best in me, I guess Eren would too. Suddenly a light went off in my mind; I am going to bury Eren, he deserves that. Mikasa and Armin should at least be able to have that. I had straight back for the wall, my heart began to beat faster, my hands tightened around the horse's reins.

The platform reaches the top of the wall, that perfect sunset gone. Now it is a dark gloomy morning, the sun is smothered by huge clouds, not allowing it to escape. I get off the platform. I closed my eyes. I don't know if I can open them, Eren's lifeless body, I can't take it. But I must. My eyes open. Shock paralyses me. Where is the body? I panic, looking left and right frantically. I look force myself to look over the edge. Nothing. Where is he? Eren?


End file.
